Sunday, 09 September 2007

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  Nursing and stuff

  The quick update---Daddy back at work, Ian off to school 3 days a week, and Henry, Oliver, and Mommy are trying to figure out this routine thing.

  I'm just writing here.  I had a thought, and here's everything that flowed from it, and as it is now 3:51am and I'm getting up with the boys tomorrow morning, I apologize for disjointed sentences, non sequiturs, typos, and bad grammar.

   

  This incident: http://www.breastfeeding.com/forum/showthreaded.php?Number=1586015, triggered a national nurse-out.  I developed a terrible headcold, and was unable to make the one in Wichita, but I was able to be at the home of the local organizer when the ABC affiliate interviewed her in advance of it last night.

   

          This of course sparked the usual discussion of whether a national event was necessary when it was one manager at one Applebee's in one city.

            The reason the nurse-out occurred in the first place is not the reponse of the Lexington Applebee's, although it was totally inappropriate.  The reaction is to the asinine corporate response that they will consider keeping blankets on hand for nursing mothers to use.  Such a response displays an obvious lack of any knowledge of breastfeeding other than it involves a breast. 

   

  My two immediate reactions to the idea of the restaurant keeping blankets:

    1) Gross.  I have no idea where their nasty blanket has been.

   

    2) Breastfeeding is normal and appropriate.  The person reacting so strongly to the knowledge or sight of a child breastfeeding is the one with the issue, not the nursing mom.  No blanket necessary.  Get over yourself, acknowledge that not being offended isn't a right, and avert thine eyes if it's going to cause issues.

   

          Invariably, discretion is brought up with much emphasis when nursing in public is discussed.  It annoys me when it is automatically assumed that the nursing mom was flashing it around for everyone to see.  Honestly, who does that?

   

           I have never known a nursing mom to "whip it out" and wave everything around for restaurant display.  It's very common, very possible, and very normal for a woman to be discreet without a blanket.  FWIW, I'm not particularly worried if someone sees a bit of breast doing its intended job.  I am more concerned about the side and belly fat. ;)

   

            I, personally, have never used a blanket, and never will.  It's hot, impractical, and a general PITA, not to mention my children won't tolerate it.  Who enjoys eating with a blanket over their head?  The only thing a blanket has ever done, in my experience, is wave a giant baby print flannel flag that screams "HEY!  BREASTFEEDING HERE!"  I think that defeats the purpose, don't you?

   

             It's important to note that the same people who shriek, "Use a blanket!" are often disturbed by the very idea of breastfeeding, regardless of the level of discretion.  Heck, a good friend of mine was kicked out of the common breakroom at her work for breastfeeding under a nursing cover (like this one: http://www.growinglife.com/images/images-nursingacc/nursingcape.jpg).  The only thing visible was the baby's hand, playing with her mother's chin.  The next day, she brought a bottle and no one said a word.  I think that's absolutely pathetic, and shows how totally screwed up our society is with regards to the subject of a child being fed.

   

  Breasts and Sexuality

   

            More on the topic of breastfeeding and sexuality.  The overwhelming majority of men I've interacted and spoken with, and specifically discussed this topic with, are not turned on or otherwise sexually aroused by the sight of a nursing mother.  Nursing breasts are working breasts, not playing breasts.  It's all about context.

   

             I'm an anatomy nut.  I like Discovery Channel shows.  PBS specials have never really bothered me.  Should I ever get ahold of a full, leather-bound edition of Gray's Anatomy, I shall be a happy woman.  I enjoyed Anatomy and Physiology lab.  The cadaver lab taught me a ton about the human body.  Body parts are fascinating. 

   

            I must admit it.  It was initially jarring to walk into the room and see a dead, naked man lying on the table.  At the time, as a newlywed, I was very used to seeing the penis, but I was used to it in a sexual context.  Not as simply part of a body.  My natural tendency, upon seeing parts normally covered by clothes, is to avert my eyes.  In the case of the lab, I had to stop, assess my surroundings, and change my mindset from the one that associates the penis with sex, to the mindset of "just another body part."  It was okay for me to do that.  It's okay for a man to do that in the presence of a breastfeeding mom. 

   

  Part of the kneejerk "augh" reaction is the superimposition of what is "supposed" to be sexual with the innocence of childhood.  It makes sense, and I think it's actually healthy (the immediate disgust reaction of the idea of children and sexuality).  I think it is, in part, the realization that the breasts they've just seen aren't turning them on like they're "supposed" to, which, in this society, is not looked at as very manly (What, boobs don't turn you on?  Weirdo).  It's asking a man to change his mindset from "breasts = sexy and for men" to "breasts = functional and for babies".  That's a lot.  But it is absolutely appropriate to require that mindset change of men.  The hypersexualization of our culture is in large part, what has demeaned breastfeeding, and attempted to relegate public breastfeeding to the bathroom.  God has done nothing wrong in the ordination of breastfeeding as the designed feeding method for children.  The culture has made breasts as a primary part of sexuality so pervasive that it's hard to separate the two, but it must be done if we are to do what is biologically necessary for our children. 

   

           Here's the deal.  I know guys are usually turned on by breasts.  I also know that they are not typically accustomed to seeing a breast with a baby latched onto it.  I *know* this is initially unnerving.  It's okay to be unnerved. The Breast as baby food is not part of the American male schema.  I acknowledge this, but I do not, for one minute, accept that this means it is to remain that way.  Breastfeeding must be normalized in our society.  The only way to do that is to keep breastfeeding normally.  That means, incidental skin happens, and moms would do well not to stress over it.  The occasional flash of areola or nipple as my son unlatches and I pull my bra cup back over my breast is going to happen, and frankly, it's no big deal if someone catches an accidental glance.  

   

           It is important to mention, since people's minds will go this direction, that this does not mean I'm saying don't take care to avoid exposing undue amounts of skin.  I'm just saying that an accidental bit of breast in context is not a freakmeout sort of thing.  According to my husband, who a) is a man, and b) does have some interest in sex (what, the 3 kids weren't enough of a clue?) nursing breasts are not a turn on, and he doesn't freak out or stress over a contextual and temporary flash of the aforementioned bits of skin.

   

           Breasts serve a dual purpose.  First and foremost, they serve as the vehicle for nourishment and life for my children.  Second, they are a vehicle for pleasure for my husband and myself to enjoy when we explore the completeness of our relationship.  The sooner we, as a society, come to acknowledge and accept this, the sooner we will move forward.

   

           So gentle readers, if you happen to see a flash of nipple, a peek of areola, or the side of a breast, and your knee-jerk reaction is to think, "Ew--I don't want to see that in public," stop.  Stop, and consciously change your mindset from "sexual body part" to "body part for kids".  It can be done and it must. 

   

           In a nutshell, grow up, get over it, and avert your eyes if you can't.

   

           To paraphrase and borrow a bit from Oliver Wendell Holmes, your right to swing your fist of "Ew, I'm offended" ends where mom and baby's bodies begin.  Being squicked out by breastfeeding is your issue, not theirs.

   

   

   

   

   

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